Friday, March 19, 2010

19 Going on 30-something Soccer Mom

Welcome to the end of one of the most hectic weeks of the semester, but also one of the most rewarding. My parents left last Thursday for Hilton Head, SC – and I am currently on my way to meet them - and left me to fend for myself for a week. Monday involved a luncheon presentation to Rotary on Beyond Borders that – gulp – I had to write, practice and present without any parental guidance. Tuesday I stayed late at work to make sure everything got done before I left for vacation. Wednesday night I ducked out on a St. Patrick’s bash to do laundry. Thursday I spent my lunch packing instead of eating and running errands to pick up all the last minute stuff I needed for Hilton Head – sunscreen? CHECK! , advil? CHECK!, gravol? CHECK! Bathing suit? CHECK! And today I narrowly avoided 2 meltdowns trying to get everything done in time to go, not to mention I work all day!! …. Ok now read that back…. I sound like my MOM, who, the last time I heard from her, was having partying it up at the beach… role reversal much??

On Tuesday I will turn 20, but honestly this week felt like I was 19 going on 30-something soccer mom - minus the kids, I was busy enough on my own! This is coming from the girl who learned how to do laundry via skype in rez in first year, who’s mom picks her up for lunch everyday, drives here wherever she needs to be, and makes sure she get everything done she’s supposed to. (thanks mama!) But as odd of a sensation as it was to be in completely responsible for maintaining a house and packing and getting everything ready to go, it felt great!! On top of that, I had a great week at work AND Mike and I re-did our room with new furniture and bought gorgeous houseplants! So this is what it feels like to be grown up..... I can do this!

Ok so I realize that the moment I turn 20 people aren’t expecting me to all of a sudden have it all figured out and be able to do it all on my own, but this week was really a confidence boost for my independence. I know that the thrills of responsibility will fade with time and it won’t be nearly as exciting to buy plants, but it really felt great to realize I guess that I really am growing up and not just getting older lol.

So how does this relate to Beyond Borders? Well, for one thing I certainly attribute a whole lot of my growing up to the reflection and self-awareness that this program has forced out of me, and it has certainly matured my view of the world. But also it relates because as different as living at home by myself and living in India by myself will be, I feel that much more strongly about my ability to be alright on my own. It’s a really strange feeling, almost a physical feeling of being that much more grown up. Does that sound weird? Probably but its true. All week I just kept thinking about India and I considered, possibly for the first time, that no one is going to be responsible for me except me. I need to make sure that I’m safe, that im fed, that I know where I’m supposed to be, that I’m on time that im healthy. Just me and me alone. And this week was just a small glimpse into what that feels like… so far so good!!

Maybe I’m just imagining it because I’m nervous about being 20, or maybe I’m just proud of myself for not burning the house down, but I will take it, because it feels great!

Sorry for the short post, but I have an early morning and a long drive ahead of me and I need to get some sleep… I promise I will update you soon!

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